I'm officially on a blogging rampage... Dunno why. It's 3.30 in the morning - I just finished revising 1 and a half topics in the hall library and I should be sleeping to recuperate. But I just had to gripe about one more thing. Just one more thing. And all this stems from being pissed by someone...

I realized that in the solitude of the library, my whole life was about proving people wrong. Literally. From start to finish..

Primary school - I had to prove my teacher wrong that I could and DESERVED to go to Raffles Institution despite the immense doubt she had.

Secondary school - I wasn't even sure myself if I could survive through it but apparently I did, relatively unscathed but hopefully proving to those who thought I was just too dumb to be in RI that I could make it through.

3 months JC - that place was kinda of a hellhole for me. They had something against me I don't know what... I loved my class there - but the love stops there. Oh... Plus my Malay class buddies. I love my Malay class buddies - they were the only ppl I could talk to in that crazy class. The 4-5 of us would sit on the first row while the rest of the class about 20+ of them would sit in the back of the class, oblivious to our existence. The ostracization in that school is intense and nuts - glad I left that school. Nothing to prove to them there - just to some of the teachers that I was capable of getting out of that place. Ha.

JC - wow... this was a very trying time. Too much to say.

Army - even more. I think the whole of army was just me against a whole world of doubters who doubted that I would be able to get through the army alive. Plus, no one thought that I would be able to get into law and I did. Happy happy.

But now, that cycle of proving people wrong again has reared its ugly head. And it's damn damn ugly... I just need to prove to these people that I'm capable of getting through law school with my own abilities. My OWN abilities.

I am not smart as in I don't capture concepts like most other people. I don't have superterrific photographic memory that can just memorize information like a scanner does. I don't reason on the spot very well. But what I do know is that it takes hard work to try and get through law school. I make up for my inability to grasp concepts quickly by churning out tons of notes that I would understand but even then, my notes get JUDGED upon for being USELESS after I gladly pass it to them to aid them in their revision. It really hurts to know that all your hardwork is considered trash. But somehow it still doesn't seem to be enough for this bloody school.

I don't know what else I need to avoid being called DUMB again... Perhaps I should never talk about school work to some of them. Inferior knowledge is a scary thing when u're facing an intellectual behemoth. I better make sure I know every bloody nook and cranny of the stupid topic or argument before I get into a discussion - which is like NEVER! That means I should just shut my trap. From now on.

It's officially 3.50 in the morning, my hall room's bright as day, Ellen's on the telly and anger has definitely subsided. Someone stop me before I start taking up more and more things in a bid to PROVE to other people that I can do things that are useful - that I'm not a USELESS piece of shit who can't even speak Malay properly.

But for RH Concert - I am out to prove that RH can produce a piece of original musical theatre that would be respectable, slightly intellectual and highly entertaining. That's what I hope to achieve. Not only for myself, but for the hall too. :) And hope that everyone enjoys themselves in the process.

Labels: Whining